Are You a Love Addict?

There is a reason there are so many love songs with themes like “Love is the drug,” “Addicted to Love,” and “Love Hurts.”  When you first fall in love with someone there is no denying that you feel high.   That feeling of being safe, happy, and ok is part of the early stages of love. If we felt that goofy all the time, we wouldn’t get much done.

But there are some people who need to feel that way much of the time.  They want to always feel the giddy, all-consuming high of early passion. The only way to do that is to move on to the next “relationship” as soon as the high wears off. 

If you’re reading this article, chances are you’re wondering if you might be a love addict. As you read through the following 55 questions, make note of the ones that you find yourself identifying with. Since each addict is different, you probably won’t relate to all of the questions. However, if you find yourself answering yes to many of them, you may have a problem with love addiction.

1. Do you believe that, to be happy, you have to be in a relationship?

2. Do you have a pattern of falling in love quickly and easily?

3. Do you always put your partner’s needs above your own, feeling that pleasing him is your top priority?

4. Do you tend to be very needy and clingy when you’re in a relationship, especially when you

5. If your partner treats you badly or hurts you in some way, do you make excuses for him?

6. Are you staying in a bad or abusive relationship because you are scared to be alone?

7. Is your relationship (or being in a relationship) the most important thing in your life?

8. Do you get depressed or find yourself in a state of despair whenever a relationship ends?

9. When you’re really interested in someone or in a new relationship, do you tend to ignore all the warning signs that he isn’t good for you?

10. When your friends express concerns about how your partner treats you, do you minimize those bad behaviors?

11. Do you desperately cling to the slightest bit of hope even when a relationship is clearly ending or not working out?

12. Do you feel unfulfilled or incomplete whenever you’re not in a relationship?

13. In the early stages of a new relationship, do you find yourself constantly thinking about your partner?

14. Do you find yourself attracted to people who won’t commit or who don’t treat you well?

15. Do you typically give much more in your relationships than you receive?

16. Do you find yourself focusing on your partner’s “potential” rather than on who he is right now (warts and all)?

17. When someone you really like won’t commit, do you cling to the hope that he’ll change?

18. Do you attempt to manipulate your relationship partners in order to keep them from leaving you or to get them to change?

19. Do you continue to stay with partners who abuse or disrespect you?

20. When a relationship ends, do you immediately start looking for someone new?

21. Do you compromise your standards and “settle” when you’re feeling lonely?

22. If there’s no “instant chemistry” with someone, do you quickly disregard him as a potential partner?

23. On more than one occasion, have you been so devastated that you considered suicide after a relationship ends?

24. In your relationships, are you the one who puts in the most effort to keep them going – especially when things start to crumble?

25. Are you often impatient for a commitment soon after you start dating someone?

26. Do you become really anxious or frantic whenever you sense your partner is pulling away?

27. Do you ever feel you are consumed with the desire for love and romance?

28. Is it really hard for you to spend time by yourself? Are you uncomfortable spending time alone?

29. Do you fantasize about past loves or future love even when you’re in a relationship?

30. Do you feel worthless or empty if you’re not in a relationship?

31. Are you scared that you’ll never find love?

32. Do your relationships tend to be very intense?

33. Do your relationships tend to have a lot of highs and lows?

34. Do your friends and family always take a back seat when you’re in a relationship?

35. Do you get jealous easily or become really possessive when you’re in love?

36. Are you overly doting towards your partner?

37. Do you often compromise your values to please your partner?

38. Have you ever spied on, followed, or checked up on someone you are really attracted to or in love with?

39. Do you tend to pursue potential partners much more than they pursue you?

40. Do you try to change yourself in order to please your partner or gain his approval?

41. Have you been preoccupied with love and romance most your life?

42. Have you ever spied on a romantic partner?

43. Have you had two or more romantic partners at the same time?

44. Does loneliness become intolerable when you’re not in a relationship?

45. Do you find it difficult to make good decisions when you’re in love?

46. Does your ability to make good decisions go out the door when you’re in love?

47. Do you pursue love interests even when you know they are involved with someone else?

48. Do you love to read romance novels and listen to love songs?

49. Do you find yourself getting bored in relationships once the romance wears off?

50. Do you stay in relationships even when you know you’re the only one who’s in love?

51. Do you constantly accommodate your partners, because you’re afraid if you say no to something they’ll leave?

52. Do you look to your partner for validation – to feel good about yourself?

53. Do you tend to keep looking even when you’re in a relationship, wondering or hoping that you might meet someone better than your current partner?

54. Have you stayed in relationships even when you knew your love was not being reciprocated?

55. Do your relationships always seem to end in disappointment?

There is no official “grading scale” for the questions above. However, if you felt that many of them were describing you, it would be worth your while to see a therapist or other professional. The sooner you get help for love addiction – or even patterns that suggest you are developing a love addiction – the sooner you can start living a more normal live that includes healthy, loving relationships.