How Fear Of Abandonment Leads To Love Addiction

Posted by on 03 28 15 in Love Addiction News | Comments Off on How Fear Of Abandonment Leads To Love Addiction

If you are a love addict, you probably have a habit of picking people who seem to require a lot of effort and energy. You spend a ton of time obsessing about the other person and working at making your relationships work. The men or women you get involved with are typically emotionally unavailable and may make you feel like they are ignoring or rejecting you.

One of the most common characteristics of people who become love addicts is fear of abandonment. You may have been neglected or abandoned as a child. Now you are terrified of being abandoned, but you are drawn to people who repeatedly make you live through it all over again.

Ways Fear Of Abandonment Leads To Love Addiction

 

When Parents Are Unavailable

How Fear Of Abandonment Leads To Love Addiction-LoveAddictionTreatmentThere are a wide variety of reasons that a parent may cause a child to feel neglected or abandoned. A parent may be working long hours at more than one job or working and going to school at the same time, leaving little time for meaningful interaction with children. Some parents have lost their spouses and spend a lot of time trying to find new partners.

For these parents, a child looking for attention may seem bothersome. Parents who are alcoholics or drug addicts are unpredictable and possibly full of rage or violence. A child of addicted parents feels abandoned because even when the addicted parent is present, he or she isn’t really there for the child.

If you were neglected or abandoned as a child, you may find that when you try to form relationships, you feel needy and afraid of the other person not loving you as you are. You have a hole in your heart that nothing seems to fill. Even an attentive partner may not be able to reassure you that he or she isn’t going to leave.

Repetitive Patterns Of Clinging, Failed Relationships

Fear of abandonment drives you to behave obsessively toward the person you are interested in or involved with. You may call repeatedly or drive by the other person’s house over and over trying to track him or her down. Just about every waking moment, you are focused on what your loved one is doing, and you may frequently imagine that he or she is with someone else or about to leave you.

The problem is that your pattern of neediness and clinging is only successful at one thing, and that’s driving your partner away. Your terror of being abandoned becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If your relationship does crumble, there’s a good chance that you will soon become involved with another unavailable person, and the pattern begins all over again.

Overcoming Fear Of Abandonment

No matter how deep rooted your fear of abandonment, it is possible to get past it. The goal is to learn to meet your own needs and stop looking outside yourself for fulfilment and satisfaction. Recognizing why you are so afraid to be left alone, and how you are driving others away with your neediness, is the first step toward being able to heal.

Start by striving to have a relationship with yourself. Spend some time learning who you are and what your likes and dislikes are outside relationships. You may want to keep a journal and write down some of your goals and dreams. You may also want to write about some of your relationships so you can see your patterns more clearly.

If one of your parents is or was an alcoholic or addict, or if any of your partners has had a problem with addiction, one of the best places for you to get help is Al-Anon. In Al-Anon meetings, you learn to take your focus off of other people and put it on yourself and your own life.

You may want to get help from a professional counselor, preferably someone who has training and experience in love addiction. With help, you can learn to stop looking for so much drama in your life, and you can work toward being attracted to partners who are emotionally available. As you gradually get past your terror of abandonment, you will become able to truly love someone else without smothering them, and be loved in return.

Take Some Time For Yourself – You Are Worth It & Always Have Been