When Love Addiction Goes Wrong

Posted by on 01 17 12 in Love Addiction News | Comments Off on When Love Addiction Goes Wrong

Although the term “love addiction” might sound like a trendy phrase that describes the latest affliction of celebrities and other rich and famous individuals, it is now regarded as a serious mental disorder. In fact, there are two different types of love addiction. The first type describes someone who is “in love with love. These individuals quickly go from one relationship to the next, leaving a long line of dissed lovers in their path. While this type of love addiction often creates a lot of heartache for those they leave behind, the second type is much more serious.

The second type of love addiction occurs when love addicts become obsessed with a person and put them above all else. Nothing and no one else matters. The reason this type of relationship goes awry is that only one person in the relationship is addicted. Eventually the target of their affection will start to feel restricted, suffocated, and want out. Nothing is more devastating to love addicts than the idea that they are about to lose everything that matters to them. Rather than accept it or learn how to deal with their feelings, they take a different stance – one that often involves violence.

Killing for Love

Most of us don’t really comprehend the idea of killing for love because we’re not love addicts. When a relationship ends, although it may hurt, we’re not in the same place mentally as a love addict who has just lost the object of his or her affection. A good example of this type of love addict is former NASA astronaut Lisa Nowak.

Ms. Nowak reportedly drove across the country to confront the woman she believed was threatening her relationship with the man she loved – the man with whom she was obsessed. Nowak ultimately attacked the woman and was charged with attempted murder. It turned out she had also been stalking the woman for two months before the violent incident. Sadly, Ms. Nowak had a husband and three kids at home who were adversely impacted by her love addiction.

It isn’t unusual for angry, obsessive love addicts to make extreme statements like, “I’ll kill you before I’ll let you leave,” or “If I can’t have you, nobody else can either.” There are also plenty of love addicts who can’t let go but don’t really let their thoughts or intentions be known. This makes them even more dangerous since the intended victim may not realize there’s a serious problem until the person strikes.

Stalking for Love

Whether their initial intent is to harm the other person or to simply fulfill their need to know the whereabouts of their love object or who they’re with, some addicts begin to stalk the person. They will essentially neglect everything else in their own lives, including family, work, school, or friends, and spend every waking morning stalking the object of their affection – all in the name of love. They become so obsessed that they are unable to stop. They are driven to know everything that’s going on and determined to make sure their loved one doesn’t become involved with someone else.

The Addict’s Victim

Once the love addict has reached the point of stalking their love object, that person becomes a victim. They will be harassed at work, at home, and whenever they are trying to socialize or spend time with their family. The addict will try to project themselves into the activities that the other person is enjoying, wanting to be a part of every aspect of their life.

When that person takes steps to stop the love addict, it often escalates the situation. The victim may change phone numbers, have someone else answer for them at the office, or slip out the back door when leaving their home. These actions are seen as an entirely new level of rejection by the addict and they are likely to become more aggressive towards their former partner. This type of love addiction seriously affects both parties and often has devastating outcomes.

Rules for Love Addicts

While there are two different kinds of love addiction, there are no set rules that love addicts abide by. Rather, they use their own feelings to determine their behavior. They may even shift from being one type of love addict to the other. Lisa Nowak was obsessed with a NASA shuttle pilot to the extent that she attempted murder, even though she was in an “old” relationship. The only similarity that occurs between all love addicts is their inability to let go and move on.

The Key to Change

Like all types of addictions, those with love addiction generally don’t change on their own. Those who become violent need a serious intervention in order to stop the dangerously obsessive behavior. Whether they are arrested and put in jail or encouraged into treatment for their addictive behavior, it will not go away on its own. At best, the individual will eventually become involved in a new relationship and become obsessed all over again – this time with their new partner. Even if they did not become violent when previous relationships ended, it is possible that they will in their next one.